In a move that is being described as “refreshingly honest” and “forward-thinking”, local post-secondary institutions Wilfrid Laurier University and the University of Waterloo have announced they will no longer be grading end-of-term exams.

In a joint press conference, leaders at both universities stated that “We feel this better illustrates the futility of existence that each of our students will face once they leave the warm confines of the university walls.”

Students will still be obligated to study and complete the exams, making sure to write with black ink and not blue, but they will no longer be graded. Rather than pass off their exams to the professor upon completion, students can instead deposit them in the trash on their way out the door.

“We’re trying to demonstrate to the students that although life is truly meaningless and nothing they do here matters, they still need to get a job and show up to it.”

Before this initiative launched, students were graduating thinking that hard work and perseverance at school would one day pay off in the form of a fulfilling career. While a career might be in their future, professors want to remind students that the best days of their lives are already behind them.


This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson