Suits fans across the world were shocked to hear Meghan Markle, the 5th billed star of everyone’s favourite legal drama, secretly eloped over the weekend. Fans are absolutely crestfallen, as now that she is a married woman, her husband will not be permitting her to pursue her career as an actor anymore. She will instead be forced to join her man’s reality show about a quirky British family.

“I can’t think of a single person that’s happy for her,” said Wanda Smith, self-proclaimed #1 Suits fan, “How could she leave her character Rachel hanging in the wind just so that she can join some English reality show? Who’s going to want to watch that?”

Indeed, it is a sentiment shared by many fans of the hard-hitting, expertly-plotted courtroom thriller that Ms. Markle has been a part of since the very beginning. But what is most disturbing is the bizarre family that she has married in to.

“I heard they tell her what to wear under her clothes,” said another fan who wished to remain anonymous, “It’s just sick!”

Although Suits is expected to continue, fans are reporting that they’ll “still feel lost” without the paralegal-turned lawyer Rachel Zane’s sardonic wit and legal know-how.

As to whether or not Ms. Markle’s fans will follow the actor as she works on her new reality TV show, they are apparently feeling skeptical.

“I don’t think it’s going to be that successful,” said #1 fan Wanda, “I mean, they just got married and nobody even knew about it.”  


This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson