The 4 Types of Halloween Costumes

The 4 Types of Halloween Costumes

Got your Halloween costume all figured out? Well, that’s super. At Chainsaw, we’ve seen a lot of different costumes over the years, some of them very creative, others terrible. But most Halloween costumes can be broken down into four familiar groups: The All-Out, The Same One Every Year, The Barely Trying, and The Barely Dressed.

The All-Out








These people really care about their costumes. They can spend days thinking and sewing and even welding until they have a perfectly elaborate creation ready for the world to see. Halloween is serious business for them, and they want you to know. They’re essentially once a year cosplayers. The main difference is people who go all-out for Halloween don’t necessarily have to live in their parents’ basement, nor are they afraid of the sunshine.

The Same One Every Year










“Why tamper with perfection,” is the motto of these loyal if not slightly lazy people. They found what worked a long time ago and they’ve stuck to it. Usually, these costumes will be pretty generic – examples being a Nerd outfit (all you need is a geeky shirt tucked into baggy khakis, tucked into socks and some taped glasses) or something that’s relevant no matter the year. Like Batman, or Luke Skywalker.

When evaluating the different groups, it’s important to note that although The Same One Every Year may not win points for originality, they are still putting on a costume, which is more than can be said for some people.

The Barely Trying











Photo from Redbubble designed by welikestuff

Now, these people don’t just hate dressing up – they hate everything our society stands for. They don’t dress up, and if they do, it’s only because they’ve been forced to. If they agree, they wear “clever” signs that read ‘404 Error: Costume Not Found’ and etc. I’m not sure if these people are simply lazy, or picture themselves as radical non-conformists. But I do know that they grow up. Then they buy houses. And when Halloween rolls around, do you know what they do then? They turn off their lights and pretend they’re not home!

The Barely Dressed











We should all be pretty familiar with this one by now. Some ladies & gentlemen take Halloween to be the day they can get away with wearing nothing at all. As Lindsay Lohan says in Mean Girls, “In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.” While these costumes are perfectly acceptable for parties with an adequate space-heater-to-naked-butt ratio, they aren’t the most practical, being that midnight marks the start of November. It’s going to be one cold night for The Barely Dressed. But, hopefully, they won’t have to pay for a drink all night. And isn’t that really the dream?


This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson

KW Oktoberfest: A Brief History from Chainsaw

KW Oktoberfest: A Brief History from Chainsaw

Being that our fair city of Kitchener-Waterloo houses an abundant amount of students, the sight of drunken mobs stumbling down the street isn’t new. But this month you may find a little extra vomit on your front lawn. And whoever’s lawn that was, I’m sorry. The sauerkraut didn’t taste any better the second time.

It’s Oktoberfest! The nine-day festival where Germans (and KW’s Funny Hat Clubs) can celebrate their heritage. I know when I think about the history of Germany, Oktoberfest is the first thing that… well, almost the first thing that comes to mind.

It’s like St. Patrick’s Day, only stretched out over several days and featuring the usual shade of vomit.

And instead of everyone pretending they’re a little bit Irish, Kitchener-Waterloo actually is steeped in German heritage. The German population is very large in our area, and it’s because of this Kitchener is responsible one of the largest Oktoberfests in the world

Oktoberfest began in the early 1800s when a fellow named Prince Ludwig married someone named Princess Therese. You think you’ve been to some big weddings? The whole of Munich was invited to their 16-day wedding event. Two hundred and some years later, the massive party has continued nearly every year. It’s only been cancelled due to minor inconveniences like war and cholera epidemics.

Did you know that Kitchener was once called Berlin? The name was changed during World War I after a vocal anti-German minority led a campaign to do just that. Anyone who wanted to keep the name of their town the same was criticized for being a traitor to Canada. After a vote virtually no one participated in, the town was named after Britain’s Minister of War, Lord Kitchener.

Good thing the world’s become so tolerant of other cultures since then, eh?

Since the German population of Kitchener was so large, they were able to keep the Oktoberfest tradition going after leaving Europe; traditions such as Uncle Hans, Miss Oktoberfest, the parade, and of course the German outfits like Dirndls, Lederhosen, and those hats with the feathers. Can you believe Kitchener has kept this celebration of German culture/drunkfest going for 50 YEARS?

And what celebration of German culture would be the same without a $10 Coors Light, followed by a hearty rendition of Sweet Caroline? Alright, so maybe it’s less of a celebration of culture, and more of an opportunity to get drunk in a big festival hall. But hey, who doesn’t love a little tradition?

But when you get tired of the chicken dance, remember you can still spill beer on your shoes and bellow Sweet Caroline here at Chainsaw, and for much cheaper.


This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson

Young Woman Unsure Which Caption Best Describes Pic of Her Ass

Young Woman Unsure Which Caption Best Describes Pic of Her Ass

After finally capturing her ass at its perfect angle for her Instagram page, local woman Britany Lynn found herself struggling to come up with the right caption.

“I need one that really captures the essence of my ass. Should it be ‘summer nights’? Or… ‘Thinkin bout u?’ Or something more literal, like ‘cheeky’?” she wonders aloud as she adjusts the filters, carefully blurring out the toilet behind her.

At press time, Britany revealed that she decided to go with three simple peach emojis, since “a picture says a thousand words anyway.”


This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson

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