In a report that has stunned the nation, local scienticians at the University of Waterloo have concluded a study revealing that those who smelt it totally dealt it.

“Our thorough studies have revealed that the first person to sniff out a booty blast is almost always the perpetrator of said flatulence,” said top researcher, John Fartingsworth.

Children and adults alike are rejoicing at the news.

“No one ever believes that I’m not the one baking air biscuits because as soon as I’m accused I blush. But I’ve never answered the call of the wild burrito in public, and I never will,” said local student Billy Williams.

Researchers say that Billy’s story is all too recognizable. The scienticians went on to explain that the guilty party will invariably announce their fragrant air tulip to the group in an attempt to hide their shame.

“They feel the tickle in their sphincter. They can start throwing around accusations before the foul scent can penetrate the nostrils of their friends and family.”

However, researchers warn that approximately five percent of the time, the thunder from down under may come from a silent observer on the sidelines. One who claims no ownership over their fecal fume, and instead leaves the scene before any blame can be placed upon them.

The news has left lead researcher John Fartingsworth scared.

“I’ve always told my children there’s no such thing as monsters. I can’t say that anymore.”

 

This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson