Got your Halloween costume all figured out? Well, that’s super. At Chainsaw, we’ve seen a lot of different costumes over the years, some of them very creative, others terrible. But most Halloween costumes can be broken down into four familiar groups: The All-Out, The Same One Every Year, The Barely Trying, and The Barely Dressed.
These people really care about their costumes. They can spend days thinking and sewing and even welding until they have a perfectly elaborate creation ready for the world to see. Halloween is serious business for them, and they want you to know. They’re essentially once a year cosplayers. The main difference is people who go all-out for Halloween don’t necessarily have to live in their parents’ basement, nor are they afraid of the sunshine.
The Same One Every Year
“Why tamper with perfection,” is the motto of these loyal if not slightly lazy people. They found what worked a long time ago and they’ve stuck to it. Usually, these costumes will be pretty generic – examples being a Nerd outfit (all you need is a geeky shirt tucked into baggy khakis, tucked into socks and some taped glasses) or something that’s relevant no matter the year. Like Batman, or Luke Skywalker.
When evaluating the different groups, it’s important to note that although The Same One Every Year may not win points for originality, they are still putting on a costume, which is more than can be said for some people.
The Barely Trying
Now, these people don’t just hate dressing up – they hate everything our society stands for. They don’t dress up, and if they do, it’s only because they’ve been forced to. If they agree, they wear “clever” signs that read ‘404 Error: Costume Not Found’ and etc. I’m not sure if these people are simply lazy, or picture themselves as radical non-conformists. But I do know that they grow up. Then they buy houses. And when Halloween rolls around, do you know what they do then? They turn off their lights and pretend they’re not home!
The Barely Dressed
We should all be pretty familiar with this one by now. Some ladies & gentlemen take Halloween to be the day they can get away with wearing nothing at all. As Lindsay Lohan says in Mean Girls, “In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.” While these costumes are perfectly acceptable for parties with an adequate space-heater-to-naked-butt ratio, they aren’t the most practical, being that midnight marks the start of November. It’s going to be one cold night for The Barely Dressed. But, hopefully, they won’t have to pay for a drink all night. And isn’t that really the dream?
This article was written for Chainsaw by Greg Johnson